What Your Favorite Album of the Decade Says About You

400+ submissions. 45 chosen. About 15 I was scared my grandparents would see — no, I didn’t include the one about snorting [REDACTED] off of a [REDACTED]. Thanks to everyone for submitting. @s refer to Twitter unless otherwise specified. Previous lists: 2019, 2018, 2017.

Lil Nas X — 7: You have streamed “Old Town Road” over 1,500 times, which is the official industry equivalent of buying the album. (@morayati)

Billie Eilish — When We Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go: You are or were a teenage girl who’s very emphatic that this isn’t a PHASE mom, it’s who you are!!! (Anonymous)

Owen Pallett — Heartland: You’re a closeted dungeons and dragons nerd who is most likely in another closet too (@tinymusiccritic)

Lorde — Pure Heroine: You were 13–16 when this album was released and you didn’t realize you were gay yet. (u/ImADudeDuh)

Carly Rae Jepsen — E*MO*TION: You’re gay. (Anonymous)

Papa Roach — Who Do You Trust? You’re a hard rock radio DJ who still thinks it’s 2004. (@cbunnell_)

Lambchop — Flotus: You are tired of everybody talking about how great 22, A Million was. Your friends are equally tired of hearing you talk about how this album is better. (Mark)

Mitski — Be the Cowboy: You worry you don’t have your life together, but are somehow the mom of your friend group. (Mark)

Weezer — The Teal Album: Your favorite way to find new artists is through Fortnite in-game advertising. (@cbunnell_)

Wavves — King of the Beach: You’re a landlord. (@DJWyndows98)

Ed Sheeran — X: You haven’t yet figured out that people hang out with you in spite of, not because of, your penchant to start freestyling after you’ve had a few. (@jacobkupp)

Eminem — The Marshall Mathers LP 2: You’ve realized that people can’t stand when you freestyle at parties but no one has been able to stop you yet. (@jacobkupp)

How to Dress Well — Total Loss: You have described at least three items of clothing, sneakers, and/or colognes as “panty-droppers.” (@morayati)

Kanye West — My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy: You hate change. (@Morayati)

Taylor Swift — Reputation: You delete Instagram posts that don’t amass a certain amount of likes within a certain timeframe (Anonymous)

Grim — maha: You have tried to Shazam a busy construction site and a Buddhist mantra within the past month. Neither were successful. (Anonymous)

Swans — To Be Kind: You spend all day on RateYourMusic talking about how Dark Side of the Moon, and Bohemian Rhapsody, are overrated (Anonymous)

Volbeat — Outlaw Gentlemen and Shady Ladies: You’re a classic rock bro who wants to say you listen to metal. (@MrsDrMaestro)

Taylor Swift — Red: You have commitment issues in your personal life as well as in your music choice (Anonymous)

Mac Demarco — Salad Days: You’re wearing dirty socks and think smoking drunk cigarettes makes you edgy (Carrie Taschman)

(Sandy) Alex G — Rocket: You may live in Kensington with 8 roommates, but on the weekends you go out to the Poconos and ride an ATV, so you’re totally pulling off that cowboy hat and boots. (Pinto)

Chance the Rapper — Coloring Book: You are an MTV journalist under pressure from Chance’s management. (Casey)

Alanis Morrisette — Jagged Little Pill: In late 1995 you slipped into a coma — but now you’re awake, and it’s the end of 2019. Welcome to Hell. (u/bakeredwarda)

Vampire Weekend — Father of the Bride: You are at all times wearing short sleeve button down shirts with sail boats on them, earth-toned Chubbies, Sperry’s Top-Siders, a classic pair of Ray Bans and sitting in a lawn chair on the patio overlooking a beach with a paperback novel and a Naturday at your side. (Krustoff)

Sun Kil Moon — Benji: When you’re at the checkout line at the supermarket, you think the cashier nodding and saying “for sure” means they’re actually interested in your rambling anecdote. (Brody Kenny)

Lorde — Melodrama: You’re way too eager to type essay-length comments on forums for topics nobody will read (Anonymous)

Emperor X — Western Teleport: You could have picked a different favorite album of the decade, but you decided on this one because it’s “the most important one.” You wish The Mountain Goats would leave the NPR crowd behind. (Pinto)

Kero Kero Bonito — Bonito Generation: Your diet consists entirely of pixie stix and pop rocks. (@DJWyndows98)

Jeff Rosenstock — WORRY: You’re real bummed about the slow tide of DIY venues slowly getting hailed out by corporate ventures in major cities, but fuck it, you can always drink. (Rose)

Teen Suicide — It’s the Big Joyous Celebration, Let’s Stir the Honeypot: You USED to vape, but after the juul got big you quit so there was still a big group of people you could make fun of and feel superior to. (Pinto)

The National — Sleep Well Beast: You mix weed with wine and then proceed to talk about life, marriage, politics, and how absurd existence in general is — but you’re in your 20s, haven’t been in a relationship in 5 years, haven’t been involved in political organizations since college and have no idea how it is to live outside your middle-class bubble. (@__wherewillwebe)

The National — Trouble Will Find Me: You joke about The National making music for divorced 40 year olds with a moderate drinking problem while also fearing that you will end up as that person. (Anonymous)

The National — High Violet: You’re a sad dad who think a large wine collection is a personality! Actually, you’re probably a 20-something who has trouble expressing themselves emotionally so you enjoy listening to someone describe the feelings you wish you had. (Anonymous)

Kanye West — The Life Of Pablo: Kanye’s twitter meltdowns leading up to the release of TLOP were a formative experience for you. You are twenty-three years old, “not that into fashion,” and often regret your choice of college major. (Anonymous)

Kanye West — Jesus Is King: You are an AI programmed to sow political discord in the American Midwest on Facebook (Anonymous)

Kanye West — Yandhi: You’re in denial (Anonymous)

ANOHNI — HOPELESSNESS: You wish you could live the lifestyle of a hermit, sheltered from the cruelty and incompetence of humanity. There is also a 80% chance you are transgender. (Anonymous)

Car Seat Headrest — Twin Fantasy (Face to Face): You have about three jokes and two stories, which you repeat endlessly even if your audience has already heard them before. (Anonymous)

Various Artists — Hamilton Original Broadway Cast Recording: You were very upset after Trump got elected, but your act of resistance is calling him a cheeto (Anonymous)

Swans — To Be Kind: Let’s be honest, you kinda look like the baby on the cover. (JMC)

Orville Peck — Pony: There have been numerous instances in your life where you’ve wanted to say “fuck it” and move to Austin/Asheville/Atlanta/Nashville/some other hip, southern city but then you remember the cost of rent. (Anonymous)

Greta Van Fleet — Anthem of the Peaceful Army: ok boomer (Anonymous)

Arctic Monkeys — AM: You were an active tumblr user in 2013 and deleted your account after listening to Tranquility Base Hotel + Casino. (Anonymous)

Lana Del Rey — Norman Fucking Rockwell: You stan every Lana Del Rey album but don’t want admit that you find her signature “fuck me daddy I drink cherry coke” heavily relatable. (Anonymous)

Lady Gaga — ARTPOP: 2013 was as a bizarre year for you as it was for Gaga. The pure insanity of “Aphrodite lady seashell bikini” spoke to you. It meant anything, just like ARTPOP meant everything and anything to you. You take ownership of knowing who Zedd was before everyone really knew Zedd. You are sad when you remember how “Gypsy” touched you and damnit, you still think it could have been a single. “Do What U Want” was a sore subject for you of course, but you just keep telling yourself that Xtina’s version is what makes it okay to listen. You are confident enough to tell hip-hop nerds that you indeed know who Twista and Too $hort are. Whenever you listen to “Aura,” you envision the desert which would have been the location of the continuation to the “Telephone” music video. That “To be continued” haunts your mind and your soul. EDM is art as pop is anything Gaga licks. Is the Koons you or me? (@classicjpow)

Edited by Joshua Copperman.